The Ultimate Yes

End of the Year A to Z for L.D.E.

  "How we spend our days is, of course,
 how we spend our lives."
~ Annie Dillard ~  

Today marks the end of 2009 and the end of this blog. I have to admit I'm a bit baffled that 365 days have passed by already. It seems like just yesterday I was coming to grips (note head-grabbing photograph above from my birthday party last year) with the fact that I was forty.  I'm totally fine with being the number 41 now.  It's the ever-quickening pace of time I'm not-so fine with.

I thought today would be a good day to take a look at the past year of my life in a fun A-Z way with pictures included.  I thought twenty-six short stories would be a good way to bring this particular blog to a close. I will be returning to blogging here quite frequently as well here from time to time and a new blog is in development on my soon-to-be unveiled website.  It's been many months since I've last written a post on The Ultimate Yes so to those of you who have subscribed and might still be reading this thing...thank you.  I hope to continue our correspondence and connections elsewhere on the web. 

The last day of 2009...wow!  Here are some of the people, places and experiences that have made my life this past year what it was. 

Applied Improvisational Network Conference ~ For four days in November, I learned from and played with 100+ people from various places around the planet.  The conference reaffirmed for me how important play, creativity and authentic expression is in the world. This is a new tribe of folks I'm excited to be a part of.

BeachDance ~ This past summer was the second season I held ecstatic dance events in Cannon Beach.  In addition to having twenty-two public dances, I was hired to facilitate three private group events.  Beach Dance is growing and getting more press.  It has been and continues to be an extraordinary and exciting adventure. I can hardly wait for Season Three! 

Chris Guillebeau ~ A thirty-year old traveling and writing wonder.  His blog is one of only a handful I read on a regular basis and it is superb!   I've learned a lot from this guy and he's inspired me many a time. 

Decluttering ~ Life is not about stuff and I've realized lately that I have too much of it.  Downsizing, simplifying and choosing to live with less has been refreshing and incredibly freeing.

Escape to Maui ~ My husband, James and I went to Maui for eight days in mid-October to sit on a sandy beach, swim in warm waters and relax in the sun.  We're quite skilled when it comes to island living. 

Facing Reality ~ James' mom and dad passed away this year just six months apart from one another.  They both lived long lives, but that doesn't make their deaths any easier to bear.  The truth is...life is full of painful events and it's incredibly short.  Getting older makes you incredibly aware of these things.  Living life fully each and every day is so important.  Take nothing for granted. 

Garden of Morrell ~ When James' dad died in May, I created a flower garden In honor of him.  Morrell was his middle name.  I'm still thinking about what I'd like to create to honor his mum.

Happily Married for Three Years ~ Like Jack Johnson's song says, "It's always better when we're together." I couldn't agree more.

Interplay ~ I've known of this organization for a couple of years and have felt a deep connection with them because of their passion for playing and storytelling. I suspected one of the founders, Cynthia Winton Henry and I were kindred spirits, but when I met her at the AIN conference (see A's link for info) it felt like she was family. I LOVE meeting people who are as silly as I am.

Jonathan Fields ~ Brilliant blogger.  Beautiful man.  Better human being.

Kicked Ass ~ After training for three months, I ran the Flying Pig Half Marathon in May in 1:47:55.  Not great by any Olympic standards, but I was happy with it.  I also met the wonderful and witty Patti Digh who inspired me to do the damn thing in the first place. She was just as genuine and lovely in person as she is on her blog.  

Lying, Lust & Love ~ I thought I was going to write my book in 2009.  Instead I completely ignored it.  That's not going to happen this year.  My book will be written in 2010. No shit.

Mom & Me ~ We took a vacation to Smith River, California in August and spent four days being with each other.  We hung out at the river, danced on the beach, ate way too much food and enjoyed our time away together.

Nathan, My Nephew ~  I didn't see this sweet kid (or his brother, Bryson) as much as I wanted to this past year.  Nathan just turned one years old three weeks ago. They grow up so darn fast!   I think Nathan looks a lot like his mommy did when she was just a baby.  I love being an auntie and I will make the long drive to my sister's more often this coming year.

O.A.S.C. ~ This past summer marked nine years of being a counselor at the same Leadership Camp I attended when I was in high school.  The third week of July has been a time I've looked forward to for almost a decade now.

Playful Spirit ~ I am in the midst of developing a new website for my business.  It was time for a change. The Playful Spirit will go live sometime during the first week of the new year.  

Quitting ~ After working at the Cannon Beach Spa on and off for the past eight years, I decided it was time to let it go for good.  November 7 was a sweet day.   

Retreats ~ It's been two years since I've held one here at the coast and I've missed them.  I'm considering creating a four-day event to be held in the fall of 2010.  I have a feeling it's going to be different than anything I've done before.  I have a feeling it isn't something I'll facilitate alone.  Those two things alone get me excited about the possibility.

Soulbiographies ~ Nic Askew is the lovely lad from London (who now lives in Minneapolis) who made a film a little over three years ago starring yours truly.  His work continues to amaze and inspire me along with hundreds of others scattered about the world. My book will be dedicated to him.  

Tsunami Studio ~ Having my own dance studio was an adventure I'll never forget. In a year's time, my business partner and I created a beautiful space and a small community of people who loved to dance.  While we weren't successful enough to afford another year of it, I'm incrediblly grateful to my husband for making it financially possible to have made a dream come true for us.  The studio closed its doors at the end of September and we're still dancing. 

Unique Friends ~ I remember my mother saying to me at my wedding how different all my friends were. It's true, I have a very eclectic group of folks I am proud to be pals with.  I may not see all these women as often as I'd like to, but they make up the core circle of my closest comrades. I love each of them dearly for their unique qualities and for the lovely friendship we share.  Thank you, Wendy, Tayna, Shannon, Nicole, Layne, Karen, Joan, Elia, Earlene, Dawn, Carol and Amy for the moments we had together this year.  

Vegetarianism ~ It's been almost two years now since my husband and I made some big changes to our eating habits. The choice to no longer consume any animals was made primarily from a personal and moral perspective, but also from an environmental one.  I'll admit I occasionally have a piece of fish when I go out to dinner, but honestly, I don't miss a darn thing.   

Work-outs ~ For the past three months, I've been seeing another man named James who makes me sweat.  HeeHee.  He's my personal trainer and he's been helping me get more fit.  I want to be firm in my forties, not flabby. I know if I keep working out with James (and if I cut out the sugar) I'll continue to feel and look much better.

X as in ex-boyfriends ~ I had the opportunity earlier this year to spend an afternoon with one of my exes.  He was moving across the country and we got together to say our hellos and goodbyes.  I didn't know how much I wanted a few more precious moments with him until I was having them with him.  

Yes! ~ Life is wonderful.  I am blessed to experience it in all the ways I do.  Whether I'm here on this planet for fifty more years or just five minutes, it's a good life I live and I am grateful for all of it.  

(New) Zealand ~  I'll be there in three weeks time and my parents will be coming with me.  It will be good to show them the country I've fallen in love with...the country where my husband is from...the country I'll call home someday. 

April Travel Adventures ~ Sweet Retreats

  

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -- 
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
~ Robert Frost

If I didn't already have two adventures of my own to attend to this coming month (running a dance studio and running in preparation for a half-marathon that's now just 32 days away!) I'd be traveling to at least one of these incredible retreats I'm going to tell you about.  While two of these amazing adventures are for women only (sorry guys), I can personally guarantee that all three will be life-changing events.  I know this because I know the three women who are leading these retreats and not only are they fabulous facilitators, but they are beautiful human beings.

Let's start with Jennifer Louden first since I've attended not one, not two, but THREE of her retreats. (Yes, I love this woman!)  She is, without a doubt, one of the most heart-centered and authentic women I've ever met.  Jen's nurturing presence is coupled with a delightful sense of silly and it's the combination of these two qualities that make retreats with her empowering, enlightening, and highly entertaining.  

She is leading two retreats, April 10-12 and April 12-17, at the world-famous Kripalu Center, in Lennox, Massachusetts.  I had the opportunity to spend a week there with Jen last July and it was the kind of sweet experience that lasts long after you leave the retreat. If you want and/or need some creative and comforting time away for a wee while, I encourage you to email her and have a conversation about it.  It doesn't matter that they're two weeks away from now.  Just go!  

Does the thought of a week of sunshine, sand, and surf on a beautiful island sound heavenly about now, especially those of us who live in the Northern Hemisphere?  Lexie Hallahan has the perfect spring-time retreat for you!  I'm lucky that she lives just eight miles away from me and hosts events and retreats along the Oregon coast. 

This past summer, I faced my fears, finally got on a surfboard, and learned to dance with the waves. Had it not been for Lexie's calm and reassuring manner, not to mention her years of training and experience, I might not have ever given surfing a try. Unfortunately, I can only imagine what it would be like to surf in warm waters without a wetsuit, but you...you could go to Kauai April 21-27 and find out for yourself!  All I ask is that you write and tell me what it was like. 

Asheville, North Carolina...I've heard it's an amazing place and I hope to go there someday. Until I do, there's a woman who lives there who will keep me good company with her stories of the place and then some.  I bought Patti Digh's book (which I wholeheartedly recommend with two thumbs-up and high fives around) and I know through her writing and our brief email exchanges that spending a weekend with her and the folks she attracts would be a delicious and darn good time.

I'm joining her in Cinncinnati, Ohio May 3rd for that half-marathon I mentioned above.  Unlike me, you won't have to run 13.1 miles to meet this woman, you could just go to her Life is a Verb Retreat April 24-26 and relax and rejuvenate in her sweet company and in yours.

So...what are you waiting for?  Go check out all the yummy links I provided and see for yourself how wonderful these retreats are going to be and then do this...ask yourself this question:  "Which one is the one for me?"  Take the one less traveled by you.  I promise you, it will make all the difference.

Life is Short ~ Do those things that scare you

 

This past weekend I participated in the event shown in the photo above.  Fright Night was created by my friend and fellow movement artist, Paula Byrne, to give people an opportunity to face what they fear in a playful and supportive way.  This was no ordinary open mic.  This event was not for those folks who have honed their craft and feel completely confident when stepping onto the stage to perform it.  It was especially designed for us scaredy-cats to showcase something we've wanted to do, but have been reluctant (chicken) to try it out.  And so...after pondering for a day or two whether or not I was ready to face a fear of mine, I said "Yes!" to being brave and told Paula I'd be there. 

I am not a shy person.  I consider myself to be an outgoing optimist who's willing to pretty much try anything at least once. I can sing karoke without drinking beforehand. I can dance on a beach naked. Public speaking does not leave me with butterflies in my stomach and feeling weak in the knees. I've led workshops and retreats and have given keynote addresses. And so what might I have to fear when standing on a stage and facing an audience when I've done it innumerable times? 

Plenty. 

When you do something you've wanted to do for the very first time, no matter how confident a person you are, it's damn frightening.  But here's what I know from being on this planet for awhile and confronting a few of the things that scare me...the REAL scenario is never as scary as the one you IMAGINE it to be inside your head.  I believe what makes us most afraid is often the very thing we need to experience in order to learn important lessons, grow as a human being, and live the life we're meant to live. Once again, I was reminded this past Saturday night that what lies just beyond our fear is freedom...freedom to do the things you want to do and be who you want to be.  

So...with my heart thumping hard and my gut flip-flopping about, I stepped up to the microphone to introduce myself and then sat down in a chair with my fear. I closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths and then my mouth opened and out came the words.  The words were my own that I had memorized.  Only once as I recited my poem did I worry what the next line was.  While some might have thought I paused a little longer for dramatic effect, it was then when I was facing my fear the most ~ forgetting a line and not knowing what came next.  What came next was the freedom I mentioned above.  No longer was reciting a poem from memory something I feared. 

The applause and accolades I received from the audience moved me to tears and made my body dance, but it was the shift I made inside of me that was most profound.  Bring on the fear (and the freedom) I say!   What are you waiting for?  Do something today that scares you. 

The oh-too-quick days of December

Undoubtedly, we have all experienced moments in our lives when time seems to stand still and when time appears to pass on by at warp speed.  As a kid, the month of December always took FOREVER to arrive and when it finally did, it then took FOREVER for my birthday to come around.  There may be only twelve days from the 13th to the 25th of the month, but it seemed as though there were many more days in between before Christmas FINALLY showed up.

I'm not quite sure when the change happened.  I just know when it did I was really disappointed.  Nowadays the last month of the year appears to come and go as suddenly as a sneeze.  With the clock ticking ever-so quickly towards my 40th anniversary of being in this body on this planet, I'm finding myself acutely aware of time and how I spend it, waste it, use it, cherish it, want more of it and yet have more than enough of it.  

And so in celebration of slowing down and really relishing the next thirty days of December, I'm going to spend some time here at my blog saying YES to one of the things I love most...writing what's in my heart and sharing it with others.  The timing couldn't be any better for it as there will soon be a lot more of that going on here come January.    

in the stillness of the morning...

In the early morning light before my head becomes filled with thoughts of the day ahead, I look at the candle my friend, Carla made and the words that appear on its front move me deeply... 

"We are the people we've been waiting for.  We are the change we seek." ~Barack Obama

In one more week, our country will choose a new president.  In doing so, I believe we'll choose a new direction that will empower and unite this nation's people in a way we haven't seen in forty years.  It's time for a BIG change and that change is here now.  We are the people.  We are the change. The world will soon see we really can make wise choices.

I've already exercised my right to vote and I am praying (and I don't do that often) that every person who is eligible to vote in this election will do so.  Today, tomorrow, on November 4 and on every day thereafter, each of us can be the change.  I will take the stillness of the morning with me as I go about my day. 

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." ~Gandhi

1, 2, 3...PLAY!

After seven years of dancing alone on the shores of Cannon Beach, I had five others join me last night.   It's been a big dream of mine to bring movement and music outdoors and facilitate dance classes on the beach.  Six of us danced together in the sand, surf and sun in celebration of the warmest day of the year so far.  As I watched these five other people experience dancing on the beach for the first time, I was profoundly moved by their new-found delight.  The moment you see a dream made real makes you believe anything is possible.  I was so flippin' happy I couldn't stop laughing.   

The wonderful technology made available by Apple made it possible for us to each have our own dance while dancing together.   A few weeks ago, I took a financial leap towards this dream and purchased fifteen iPod shuffles.  After synching the hour-long playlist to each device, we were able to listen to the same songs at the same time.  We gathered in a circle for a few moments for instruction-giving and intention-setting and then at the sound of my voice saying, "1,2,3...PLAY!," we pressed the button and we were off.

As the six of us danced in the sand, surf and sun, it was the perfect way to celebrate the warmest day of the year and the long-held wishes of my heart.  It was an experience I'll never forget.  And to think that last night was just the beginning...

Sacred Life Sunday

I've been wrestling with my thoughts most of the day (I'm in the midst of writing my monthly newsletter) and so for today's posting, I thought I'd just let a few words and pictures speak for me. 

I miss the sunshine, the light and being warm.  

A good holiday reminder. 

My nephew and husband will be celebrating their birthdays this week. Bryson will be four.  James will be forty-eight.

This is my friend, Tamara's tree.  Her ashes were scattered here.   

Look What's Burning

I finally lit it.  I've had my Just Do It candle for over a week now, but I hesitated to begin its burn.  I didn't want to light it until I sat down, opened up the file that said, 'shitty rough first draft' and actually wrote something down.  I did that today and I did it in the spirit of having fun and seeing what showed up.

The quote on the front of the candle says, "Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly."  No kidding.  One of my blog readers encouraged me to take the advice of my own newsletter and "Lighten Up."  Ain't it the truth that we dish out what we most need to listen to ourselves?    As the flame gently flickers and delves into the core of the pillar which gives it life, I'm listening.   

A Portrait of Hope & Self-Forgiveness

I did something a little radical this morning to help me with my writing. Some might think the unique method I've come up with is narcissistic, but I think it's rather ingenius given the title of my book - "The Girl Who Looked Into the Mirror".  As you can see from the above photograph, I've placed a mirror on the window sill which is right in front of my desk.  It's my hope this creative (not to mention rather intimidating) solution to my persistent procrastination will remind me to keep showing up and telling myself the truth AND writing it down!

Every day as I sit in front of my computer I won't be able to escape the reflection of the woman who wants more than anything right now to tell her story and share it.   I just began reading Elizabeth Gilbert's best-selling memoir, "Eat, Pray, Love" and it's fucking brilliant.  Within just a few pages, I am whisked away into her world - a world she traveled around for a year and then wrote about it.  I wonder if all those beautiful, poignant and humorous sentences came easy for her.  I wonder what she's doing now that that part of her life is complete and is currently being read all over the planet. I hope the stories I'll tell in my book will resonate with and touch peoples' lives in a profound way like hers already has with mine.

This is my desk and this is where the writing of my book began today.  So far...the mirror is working.

Wish For What You Want

Wish for what you want and I swear the world will conspire to bring you whatever your heart desires.   It might not happen according to your own timeline, but it WILL happen.  I don't believe you can just place your order, sit back and be a patient spectator awaiting a windfall.  I believe you have to know what you want FIRST and then a hot-second after that is BELIEVING that you can have what you want. I think that's where most people's dreams fall by the wayside...we want what we want, but we don't believe we can have it. I sure as hell know that it works that way for me.        

An amazing thing happened to me today that reaffirmed what I just described above.   For quite awhile, I've wanted to have a professional photographer come and take pictures of me dancing on the beach.  I was clear I didn't want to pose for the camera or dress up in fancy clothes.  I just wanted to dance my dance and have someone capture it on film.  And that's exactly what happened today.

As I made my way down the beach, arms and legs flailing about to the rhythms of the music playing through my headphones, I noticed not one, but two photographers walking through the dunes towards me.  As they approached, I couldn't help but wonder what would happen next.  After sharing our respective stories about photography and dance, they asked permission if they could could take a few shots for their portfolios.  Twenty minutes later, with me slightly out of breath and the three of of us all agrin, they had the photographs they wanted and so did I.  One of the photographers promised he would send me some pictures and said I could use them for personal or professional use.  What did I say in my last post?  Tsunami is coming.  No kidding!

I want it and I believe it will happen...and the world is conspiring to help me bring it to life.   This past weekend, one of the things our dance retreat facilitator, Paula said was this, "If you want to be a part of something, sometimes you have to create it." Yup. Well said.  One of my favorite Oregon writers/artists (who used to live in Cannon Beach) has this to say about wishing for what you want:

"you are limitless potential...

so...

dare experience

reach beyond why

believe you have the courage

to realize all you dream. 

say "yes!"

to this day. "