The Ultimate Yes

Returning Home

 

"All such action would cease if those powerful elemental forces were to cease stirring within us".  ~Albert Einstein

Home for me is so much more than a place where I reside.   It's not location-specific nor can it be found on a map.  It's a feeling inside me and I definitely know when I'm not "home".  I've been on a quiet journey of late and I've recently returned from my traveling.  While I visited some lovely places, nothing quite compared to the silent trip I took in my own heart. 

This morning's reading in the Science of Mind magazine captured that feeling inside oh-so well.  It's good to be home again.

The Stirring    

There is a stirring within me, a quiet rumble, not a roar.  It has no particular shape or form.  It is not born of the past and does not live in the future.  It is a movement of consciousness following a course all of its own.

Sometimes I try to squelch the stirring because it is uncomfortable, but the stirring persists.  It grows in the womb of the unknown.  It has a life of its own.  I do not know where it will take me.  Yet I trust the movement of the stirring.   I feel the power of the stirring and I am willing to change in the stirring.

The stirring is for more life. It is for a greater expression.  It is beyond your imagination and it is never planned.  Do not crush the stirring;  it is the result of your deepest prayers.  It is the substance of your desire to be more.  It is love in its natural state, waiting to be used.  The stirring is the new, never-birthed you.  It is the rhythm of life sounding a new beat.  It is the calling of your own heart. 

Stay close to the stirring.  Do not travel far.  For the stirring will take you to your next destination, it will unearth your next creation and it will tranform you into all you truly are. 

May you follow the stirring within you.

A Wish for Myself and the World

Happy New Year!!!

A wish for starting over...Remember you can begin again any time you choose to. It's not just an-every-365-days-kind-of-thing.

A wish for being fully present...You have the ability to experience RIGHT NOW by letting go of what just happened and what may happen. 

A wish for abundance...Whatever "it" is that you want, just give it away and watch it return to you a thousand-fold.   

A wish for profound love...Open your heart more than you ever have before.  You really can handle that big of a feeling.

A wish for spreading joy...Share what inspires you with others without worrying what they may think or being attached to a specific outcome.

A wish for understanding and connection...Be caring and compassionate.  Ask questions and be a good listener.  Apologize and forgive.  See and be seen.

A wish for peace...Be what you want to see in the world.  What you say and what you do does make a difference.

Christmas Wishes for the World

It's early morning here in the Pacific Northwest as I write this post.  The wind is once again blowing hard and hurling huge raindrops against the windows.  Compared to the storm we had a couple weeks ago, it's just a gentle breeze.  I still wouldn't want to go out in it though. 

Isn't our Christmas window lovely and quaint?   I found a tiny tree at Trader Joe's, dug out the lights and ornaments from a box in the basement and had a grand time decorating what ended up being the perfect space.  We'd have to temporarily rid ourselves of a piece of living room furniture were we to have a normal-sized tree. Even though we won't be in our cozy lil' home for the holidays, a couple of our friends will be and I hope my window-decorating puts a smile on their faces.

Yesterday while I was reading a few posts from Donna, I came across one that asked, "If you had a fairy godmother who could grant you every wish you have, what would you put on your list?"   It got me thinking on a grand global scale and I emailed Donna a few of my wishes for the world. I was surprised that several were political in nature, but after I wrote them down I realized they were bonified wishes of mine.   Sadly, I think it would have to take some kind of magical fairy godmother for some of these things to occur.  I often wonder what more I could do to have them come true.  I could have gone on and on with my wish-list, but I felt complete after I wrote down my last wish.

• The war in Iraq ends.
• The American government apologizes to the rest of the world for their complete and utter stupidity and for lying on a consistent basis to the international community.
• President Bush and all his cronies go to jail for a very long time for the multitude of crimes they've committed against humanity.
• World peace is the conversation that all nations' leaders are talking about and taking significant action around.
• Homelessness is eradicated.  Every man, woman and child has a roof over their head, sleeps in a warm bed and has plenty of food to eat.
• Everyone has health insurance. (All governments would pay for this.)
• Everyone experiences true love in their lifetime.

What are your wishes for the world?   

5 Really Great Things

It's only 8:30 in the morning and I've already been up for five hours.  I've been enjoying the soft light of candles, the warm and sweet comfort of my coffee and the sounds of fierce winds blowing outside my cozy home.  Even though winter hasn't officialy begun yet according to the calendar, it definitely feels like the season of wild weather is here. While Mother Nature unleashes her fury against my home's four walls, I'm oh-so grateful to be inside this safe haven.  

I've read some of my favorite blogs and was inspired by Liz and Carla who wrote about five really great things in their lives.  In this moment, right now...these are my five:

1. My husband's home-made granola with cranberries, almonds and ginger.
2. Pandora and the mellow radio stations I've created with it like Kitaro, Blue Stone and Mum.
3. The journal (pictured above) that my husband and I write to each other in.  The quote on the outside cover is from Rainer Maria Rilke and says, "The love that consists in this, that two solitudes protect and border and salute each other."  Hmmm...reading it makes me sigh in appreciation for the relationships in my life where this quote applies.
4. Breitenbush Hot Springs - Three weeks from now, I'll be spending three days here celebrating Winter Solstice and the returning of light. 
5. Torrefazione coffee - Until I go to Italy, I can sip and pretend I'm visiting all the places their various coffees are named after. 

What a wonderful day this is going to be...

Early Morning Musings

I often wake up and get up when the stars are still out.   Ever since my college dorm-room days, I've had a challenging time staying asleep for more than four hours at a stretch.  Sometimes it's my bladder that does the calling, but the majority of the time it's my head.  That inner voice of mine will suddenly click on and start chattering away.  I do my best to ignore all the random thoughts and go back to sleep, but after tossing and turning for awhile I often just give in and haul my body out of bed.  Having a 3am alarm cat doesn't help the situation and this morning Buddy was right on time with his "I wanna go out right now" meows.  

So after doing the dishes, cleaning out the fridge (it's amazing what you'll find lurking in the back at four in the morning!), stripping the sheets off the bed and remaking it, emptying the garbage cans, answering a few emails and beginning to pack for my trip home for the holiday, here I am...doing what my heart and the strip of paper on my computer (see above photo) asks of me.  I find I'm falling in love with something I've known I was meant to do ever since I was a kid.  My bladder, head and cat may be the things that wake me up, but writing is what keeps me up during the wee hours of the morning.

I wonder if this is the best time to work on my book.  Probably.  Although I'm writing a memoir and it's a tad bit challenging to remember some things so gosh darn early in the day.  Guess I'll just have to have another cup of coffee.   As I prepare my home for the guests who will arrive here later on in the day (that's why I did all that cleaning earlier!) I'm going to miss being here at the beach.  It's been six months since I've seen my folks and I'm really looking forward to spending time with them and my extended family AND I'm really going to miss MY home...my routines....my favorite places...my solitude. 

I wonder sometimes if my basic nature is changing.  I've always been an extroverted social butterfly with endless energy and enthusiasm, but lately I've felt like a caterpillar who just wants to stay all curled up and alone.  Perhaps it's the change of the season.  When it gets dark at five in the evening I'm ready to turn in around eight o'clock.  Maybe I'm entering a quieter phase of my life while I go on the journey of remembering my past and bringing it to the present in written form.   A friend of mine recently said to me, "It seems like you've changed a bit."  I was initially caught off guard and took it as though that was a negative thing.  Uh, hello?!?   There's no good or bad here.  Change is happening all the time and we're no exception to that fact of life.  When I asked her to elaborate on what she's observed of late, she pretty much said what I just wrote.  I use to be a very good liar (or at least I thought I was) and now I am as transparent as a sheet of glass, a mirror.

It really is the perfect title for my book - "The Girl Who Looked Into the Mirror".  Thanks, Nic.

For those of you traveling to your holiday destination today or tomorrow, be safe.  For those of you staying put, surround your loved ones with white light who are traveling to you.  Happy Thanksgiving to you!

Sacred Life Sunday

I love my sweet little home...all 700 square feet of it.  My husband and I affectionately call it "The Playhouse" because honestly, we're just big kids at heart walking around in adult-sized bodies.  Further on down this post you'll see a couple pictures from our wedding day that adorn the wall just above our gas stove and you'll get a glimpse of this sense of play I'm referring to. 

I love Sundays a lot more now that I'm out of college.  I remember weekends full of play until about 7pm on a Sunday night and that's when I'd begin to fret.  Whatever homework I'd put off for the past 36 hours would now need to be attended to.  I hated that feeling of being under the gun despite believing that my best work is done at the very last minute.  Now if that's not a professional procrastinator's personal motto I don't know what is.   

So here I am this Sunday morning sitting in one of my favorite places in our house (that would be directly in front of the stove) listening to Liquid Mind and my cat, Buddy purr on while I write this post. Life is good and I love my life.  I don't know if I'll spend any time today writing on my book as I have two other writing projects to complete that have due dates of tomorrow.  It doesn't surprise me in the least bit that I've waited until today to begin them.  Funny how some things never change.  

Returning from Retreating

A two week vacation in Japan turned into a two month retreat from writing here.  I've been traveling and I've been on the move and honestly, I've made living life more important than recording it. That works for most people, but as a writer, I've desperately missed not capturing my thoughts on my blogs.  Don't get me wrong...my life has been one grand adventure after another since the end of June and I wouldn't trade any of the experiences I've had for a million blog posts.  However, I have truly missed this place of sharing stories and connecting with the people who hang out here.  I'm settling in and staying put for a good long awhile.  No more hiding out and staying silent.  It's time to shout out and share.

The Golden Ones

A few months back I purchased a book called The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo.  It's a lovely guidebook that has a quote and reading for every day of the year. Mark is a beautiful and brilliant writer and his stories are full of wisdom and lush language.   As a survivor of cancer, Mark said "YES" to life in a very big way.

I share today's reading on friendship with you so you can see for yourself how lovely his words are. I was especially moved as they reminded me how blessed I am to have so many amazing souls as my friends. Here's today's reading as well as the quote:

"Nothing among human things has such power to keep our gaze fixed ever more intensely upon God than friendship." - Simone Weil

I have been blessed to have deep friends in my time on Earth.  They have been an oasis when my life has turned a desert. They have been a cool river to plunge in when my heart has been on fire.  When I was ill, one toweled my head when I couldn't stand without bleeding.  Another bowed at my door saying, "I will be whatever you need as long as you need it." 

Still others have ensured my freedon, and they missed me while I searched for bits of truth that only led me back to them.  I have slept in the high lonely wind waiting for God's word.  And while it's true -no one can live for you- singing from the peak isn't quite the same as whispering in the center of a circle that has carried you ashore. 

Honest friends are doorways to our souls, and loving friends are the grasses that soften the world.  It is no mistake that the German root of the word friendship means "place of high safety".  This safety opens us to God. As Cicero said, "A friend is a second self."  And as Saint Martin said, "My friends are the beings through whom God loves me." 

There can be no greater or simpler ambition than to be a friend.

Well said, Mark.  Thank you. May all my friends know that I will be whatever they need as long as they need it.

Show Up and Be Real

As a result of the film I made with Nic Askew of Monday 9am.tv, I not only have been in contact with dozens of people from around the planet this week, but I've become more clear about the work I'm here to do and who I'm meant to serve.  It's funny in a cosmic "I told you so" kind of way that it took a painful life lesson of mine to show me the path I'm meant to encourage others to take.  And that is...to inspire people to show up and be real. 

What does that really mean?  Brian Swimme, a mathematical cosmologist (don't let his job title intimidate you) captures what I've been feeling of late in this short film.  He says " the ultimate creative act is to find and give expression to who we truly are authentically."  I couldn't agree more with him and I sucked at math.  I'll go one step further than Brian.  Being authentic is the ultimate way to live your life. I may not have a doctoral degree, but I do know what it takes to live a happy and fulfilling life and that's to get real with yourself and with others. How does one do that?

Here are three key things to do in order to walk the path towards authenticity:

• Ask yourself what you really want - get clear on what matters to you most. For example, is it a big house with a white picket fence or is it a space where you live that feels like home?  Do you want to make lots of money or do you want to feel secure knowing all your financial needs can be met?  Do you want to travel the world or do you want to feel connected to other cultures?
• Pursue your passions - discover and engage in those things that make you feel most alive.  Take a look at what you love and why and spend as much time as you can doing what your heart and soul are telling you to say "YES!" to.   
• Take responsibility for your own life - place no blame on others and make no excuses.  Where are you making up stories?  What truths are you not willing to own up to?

George Bernard Shaw said, "Life isn't about finding yourself it's about creating yourself."  Absolutely. You are the ultimate creator of your life.  It takes guts to show up and be real in your life and with others.  It took me until I was 34 years old to really look into the mirror. No matter how young or old you are and no matter what your life circumstances have been up to this point in your life, it's never too late to live the life you've always wanted.

I feel so incredibly blessed to hear from people who have been walking the path of authenticity for awhile as well as the people who want to know how to begin.  I'll continue to show up and be real here (and on my other blog) and in the world and promise to give you as much information and inspiration I have for you to show up and be real too.       

      

the girl who looked into the mirror

I didn't sleep a wink last night. It wasn't the wind and rain that lashed against my window that kept me awake. It was something much bigger than the storm raging outside that prevented my mind from entering the place of sleep.

As I sit here in the darkness of the morning, I feel like I'm a kid at Christmas-time waiting to unwrap presents; I dont' know what's inside the boxes, but I have a feeling they're going to be wonderful. This morning at 12:00 am GMT, a short film I made two weeks ago with Nic Askew made its debut on the internet. I absolutely remember the conversations we had with one another, but I didn't know how they would appear once edited. I've watched the film four times now and I am amazed by what my eyes and heart have seen. I've just watched a woman (that would be me) share one of her biggest, most challenging of life lessons on the same screen that potentially thousands of people might see. That impact alone is huge and I suspect that's one of the things that kept me company last night as I lay in bed.

I may never know how this film might impact the lives of others, but I certainly hope that by sharing one of my stories with the world it does make a difference.  Nic's films are brilliant and beautiful and I am both humbled and honored to have had the opportunity to play a part in one of his creations. He is a lovely and talented man and he has certainly made a difference in my life.  I've already received a couple of emails this morning from people who have seen the film and I am moved beyond words. Unwrapping the ultimate gift of being acknowledged for who I am was absolutely worth a sleepless night.